Him(Prologue)

Instead of something empty,He reasoned,it would be much better to imagine Him as a figure of deep affection,a brother,a father, a loving uncle or grandparent, instead of a person with whom a physical union could be achieved. A certain distance could be a comforting thing,really, a chasm, a gap, a divide never to ever be breached. After a long long while it helped to see Him like this, though this extracted a cost. The end of a feeling, a longing, an ache, a regret, leaves a special mark upon those who have come to this point. He felt himself stumble, revealing Himself too quickly, hastening a period on an end of a sentence. The stars directed Him to wander, and they led Him to the door of He. He felt He needed to understand all of the direction of the beginning and middle before He could really understand the end. But He felt a discomfort with this particular end.A misunderstanding with it. An uneasy truce-with it. For this was not the kind of ending that He would have wanted with Him. But here His aloness commenced. So then he dove into the beginning. A place where I can be with Him completely, He reasoned, extending a fantasia, riff on a theme, caress a phrase, maintain a heat, a stasis, a possibilty of union. So He returned to a beginning where He had been there with Him, with He driving a car, a night warm and rainy, Him asleep perhaps, slumped upon the shoulder of He, with He innocently, sweetly, almost paternally, running his fingers through His soft dark hair.

WE'LL ALWAYS BE ALRIGHT

THE AFFECTIONATE MAN (ACT ONE)

One morning LOU was sitting in the park ruminating on ( ACT ONE) and wondering how to disentangle himself from a script that had gone monstrously awry. After all, the story so far consisted of 27,908 pages of mostly degradation, misread cues, and mental and physical abuse.HOW UGLY YOU ARE HOW UGLY YOU ARE BEAT SMACK SMACK YOU ARE UGLY YOU WILL NEVER AMOUNT TO ANYTHING! HOW DARE YOU INHABIT THIS EARTH and so on and so forth that to throw out the script as it were would amount to a total negation of his existence on the planet earth. and they say that in our life there are no second acts. maybe in someone else's life but not mine. Presently alarge a large balloon came sailing through the clouds and deposited all 27,908 pages of act one right at LOU'S feet leaving a trail of candy wrappers, used condoms, old photographs, demo cassettes, photographs of LOU as a young man, photographs of his long dead pets, photographs of his long dead friends, dead rock stars, dead wanna be rock stars he had once known, love letters to the one and only LOU(YES! LOVE LETTERS!) which were beautiful at one time but now only chronicled dead emotions, various FENDER and GIBSON guitars, handbills for various shows involving the one and only LOU at various locations around N.Y.C. long gone with the wind, and some beautiful long neglected articles of self made clothing which had been given away to various casual aquaintances in some futile grasp at friendship. In shock and horror LOU ducked under the bench for cover until all the HORRIBLE HORRIBLE noise that allllllll THIS JUNKKKKK made ceased. It sounded something like this:WAAAABABYBABYBABYWAAAANONONONONOFUCKMEILOVEYOUWAAAAAAAAAA! When all of the racket this ungodly pile made had ceased, LOU carefully and slowly crawled out from under the bench to view the spectacular if somewhat sobering spectacle that all of this garbage made that was now lying in front of him. HI! HI! HI! LOOK UP HERE! UP HERE! LOU looked up at the baloon still floating in the cloudless perfect blue gonna fuck-my-girlfriend-this-afternoon-i'm-such-a-young-stud sky. OH NO. WHY WHY ME, LOU cried as he gazed up at the baloon which was even more of a spectacle than his crazy life. WHY A GAY BALOON! WHY A GAY BALOON NO! NO! NO! LOU shrieked! But unfortunately for LOU the baloon was, indeed, the GAYEST BALOON EVER. It looked kind of like the baloon that the WIZARD OF OZ floated away in at the end of the movie only gayer. It was festooned with rainbow flags, love lube, poppers, tinsel, cock rings, dildos, old copies of AFTER DARK and DADDY magazine, gay porno video boxes, red, yellow, robins-egg-blue-and brown bandannas, black leather man thongs(yikes), old Stephen Sondheim musical cast album record covers, Cher dolls, and touchingly, dozens of old grimy pairs of black leather pants and motorcycle boots hanging from beneath the gondola. Across the baloon's center huge red letters screamed:CRISCO. From inside the gondola a tiny shirtless man with an unkempt afro waved and smiled."LOU! I'TS ME! REMEMBER? From inside his jacket pocket LOU pulled out his gold granny glasses with the purple lenses and trained his eyes upon this gay train wreck. Then it all came crashing back at once to LOU like a BAD HANGOVER after a SUNDAY NIGHT at MANITOBA'S. remember lou?it was one night at the st.marks baths this tiny nude man came into your room and said,I've been watching you since you got here i think youre just the most handsomest cutest man your'e so adorable can i stroke your feet while i jerk off in the cornerOH NO THANKS I'TS OK said lou quickly pulling his feet away. PLEASE! shrieked the tiny man. PLEASE! TWEAK MY NIPPLES! NO! GO HOME!yelled LOU, disturbed at the sudden colorful reappearance of this gay nightmare.But just then LOU had a delicious idea.COME DOWN!I'LL TWEAK YOUR NIPPLES! LOU yelled up to the floating embarrasment. OH YEA BABY! the little man shrieked. IM COMING! IM COMING DOWN! he yelled,more than a little lasciviously. HERE I COME! LOU watched in obvious delight as the tiny man straddled the gondola,distressingly, nude. This is the sound he made as he jumped off the side and sailed down: IWILLSURVIVEIWILLSURVIVESOMANYMENSOLITTLETIMEINEEDAMANWAAAAAAA!SPLATTTTTT! LOU slowly inched his eyes downward to the ground to observe a tiny puddle coagulating on the grass. This is the sound IT made:BLUUUURGGGNIPNIPNIPGURGGLEGUrRRRRRRRRRBURBLUBURBLE! Among the various and sundry objects of LOU'S life lying on the grass was an old DEAD BOYS album YOUNG LOUD AND SNOTTY.Shuddering, LOU picked it up and laid it over what was left of the tiny man.Then it made a different sound:HSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. Feeling relieved at having rid himself of this ancient annoyance, LOU cast his eyes around the antediluvian junk pile till they came to rest on an old photograph of his late gay friend,DOUG ROWE. Fondly, LOU recalled all the great blow jobs he used to get from him and how satisfying they were.LOU!LOU! LOU watched unbelievingly as the photograph stood bolt upright in the grass and started speaking to him! LOU! I'TS ME!DOUG! DOUG! OH MY GOD DOUG! LOU retorted. BUT DOUG! YOUR'E NOT HERE ANYMORE! YOUR'E DEAD! YEA!I KNOW! DOUG said. I SHOULDN'T HAVE FUCKED AROUND WITH THAT ACTOR BRAD DAVIS! YES DOUG!LOU said.I TOLD YOU TO STAY AWAY FROM THAT CRAZY FAG! IF YOU HAD DECIDED TO STAY WITH ME AND BE MY BOYFRIEND YOU"D PROBABLY BE FAT AND HAPPY, I'D STILL LOVE THE SHIT OUT OF YOU AND YOU'D PROBABLY STILL BE ALIVE!!! DOUG suddenly became very quiet and cast his eyes downward.He always did have the prettiest blue eyes but unfortunately it was a black and white photograph. DOUGLAS! LOU said. DON'T BE SAD! remember when you chased me down Madison Ave. in 1981 and gave me that GREAT BLOW JOB in that parking lot in SOHO? REMEMBER DOUG? DOUG looked up and smiled wanly.He always did have the sweetest, most boyish smile. YEA LOU, I DO Doug said. I COUDN'T HELP MYSELF. YOU WERE ALWAYS SUCH A HOTTIE.I REALLY REALLY LIKED YOU. OH DUGGIE! LOU said. Duggie was LOU'S pet name for him in their intimate moments, like when they would go to the movies and rest their hands on each other's knees in the dark.LOU kneeled in front of Doug's photograph and started to cry.DUGGIE!LOU shrieked.I WANT YOU! I MISS YOU! I WANT TO HOLD YOU LIKE I USED TO! WHERE ARE YOU? DOUG looked straight back at LOU. LOU looked straight back at DOUG.LOU could almost swear that he could see the clear blue light in DOUG'S eyes again.LOU,DOUG said. I'M RIGHT HERE. I'M VERY CLOSE. I'M SO CLOSE THAT YOU COULD KISS ME AGAIN IF YOU WANTED TO. WANNA? Without even replying LOU pulled the photograph up to his face and kissed it. Immediately LOU felt the WARMTH, SATISFACTION, TENDERNESS, SENSUALITY,MASCULINITY, and COURAGE of DOUG'S 36 years on this plane and embraced it tightly, not wanting to let it go, and buried his face within all of the foolishness, emotionalism, bad decisions, and rotten luck that was DOUGLAS.(END OF ACT ONE)

ITS THE FOURTH OF JULY GUYS

Last night i introduced myself to the blogging world by telling you about my favorite things, but like the silly goose that i sometimes am in the rush to enshrine all thing fab to LOU V I left out one of my VERY favorite things-my darling friend KAYA CHAOS and her incredible band DEVIANT BEHAVIOR, who i hear are going to have a reunion in N.Y.C soon. KAYA is now living happily in W.Virginia with her high school sweetheart but in the late 90's was tearing up the now mostly sadly defunct downtown music scene with her incredible wit, power, and manic stage presence. If you were lucky enough to witness a typical DEVIANT BEHAVIOR show or own their hilariously uproarious CD"THE GUILIANI YEARS", you would be more than inclined to agree with me. Along with her co-front people PAT PERVERT and ELENA, they would regale thrilled audiences with such gems as "CHELSEA"(about doing rude things to Chelsea Clinton-while the first cat SOCKS licked her BOX) and my personal fave,"THIS IS A FUCKED UP SONG"(No furthur explanation nessessary). KAYA has a large page on myspace.com(www.myspace/kayachaos) if you would like to visit this incredible lady and visit with her WIDE variety of friends and maybe you can become one too! Just tell her LOU sent you-she'll love that!

It's all about me-YEA LOU VALENTINE

• Hi --I'm Lou Valentine and this is my blog-a blog about me, the things that i like, the music that i like, my life, my bitches, my cranky side, my sweet side,being a gay man, how frustrating that can be, and any else that tickles my mind.As i type this i'm listening to Jamie Lidell's album "Multiply" from 2005 (on vinyl, of course-more on my vinyl fixation later) and that great track"A Little Bit More" some commercial used that,right? Now let's see, for my very first posting I guess with a name like Valentine(It's my REAL name too-NOT a handle) we're going to have to have a stream of all the things that I love-a statement of intent,as it were-a few of my favorite things-so here's the Lou Valentine love stream-THE CHOKE/IAN'S 5 ST.MARKS PLACE/ROCK KARAOKE MONDAYS AT ARLENE'S GROCERY/MAKING MY OWN CLOTHING/JOHNNY NAPALM/EXPENSIVE ENGLISH DRESS SHIRTS/GIBSON GUITARS/FENDER GUITARS/FLANDERS GUITARS/THE BEATLES/VINYL RECORDS/33 AND A THIRD RPM/45 RPM/CAMERON EVE/JAMES DEAN/RAY-BANS/MY 1970 CHEVROLET MONTE CARLO/MARSHALL AMPLIFIERS/TRAINWRECK AMPLIFIERS/MY SONY CD JUKEBOXES ON RANDOM SHUFFLE/82 PIERREPONT STREET(THE FREEMAN MANSION)/MY ORANGE PUSSYCAT TOM TOM/LASSEN AND HENNIGS ON MONTAGUE STREET/HOUSING WORKS ON MONTAGUE STREET/THE BROOKLYN HEIGHTS PROMENADE/THE SALVATION ARMY/THE BRONX/KILTS/FUNKY SHOES/HIGH HEELS ON COOL GIRLS/BOB DYLAN/JOSH MACHLIN/HOTT DETH/ERIC/ROB HILERIO/MORRISSEY/THE NEW YORK DOLLS/THE RAMONES/BLONDIE/STEVE THOMAS/THOSE PRIVATE PLACES THAT I GO TO WHEN I OCCASIONALLY NEED SOME RELIEF/THE MARBLES/KORY(WARRIOR SOUL)/WAXPOETICS/MOJO/UNCUT/RECORD COLLECTOR/THE TWILIGHT ZONE/SMOKE/BEARS/JIMMY KIMMEL'S MONOLOGE/STEVE MACH/JIMMY BONES/ERIC PRESTI/HAGSTROM GUITARS/BC RICH GUITARS/PIERCED NIPPLES/GORGEOUS TATTOOS/MY VERY LARGE COLLECTION OF VINTAGE ROCK, PUNK, & JAZZ LP'S/SINGING/SINGING EVERY DAY/TOM JONES/SANJAYA MALAKAR/PEOPLE WHO WASTE THEIR TIME HATING SANJAYA MALAKAR/WRITING A NEW SONG/IBANEZ GUITARS/SONGBIRDS/MY BLACK,BROWN,AND GREY BEARD/BEER/WHISKEY SOURS/MARSHALL ZARNE/CBGB(NOW AND FOREVER)/THE BRATS/COVENTRY ON QUEENS BLVD/THE MUSIC BOX ON UNION TPKE. EARLY 70'S RECORD STORE THE BEST EVER FOR ENGLISH MUSIC/THE SEX PISTOLS/VIVIENNE WESTWOOD/SEDITIONARIES CLOTHING/THE BUZZCOCKS/LONDON/ENGLAND/FUNNY STONERS/EPIPHONE GUITARS/VINTAGE CAMAROS AND FIREBIRDS/VINTAGE FORD THUNDERBIRDS/ROBERTA BAYLEY/DEBORAH HARRY/JOHNNY MACHADO/NATHAN/DUKE/TRIXIE/TRIXIE'S TITTIES/MR.BLACK/CHARLES TYRWHITT(ENGLISH TAILOR ON JERMYN ST.)/COMME DES GARSONS/GIORGIO ARMANI/MC INTOSH AMPLIFIERS/ROXY MUSIC/DAVID BOWIE/BB MAK/KITCHENS OF DISTINCTION/ALPHAVILLE/STEREOLAB/DEREK AND THE DOMINOS/FIONA APPLE/MAZZY STAR/THE CHURCH/XTC/GWEN MARS/MEDICINE/BECK/MARIANNE FAITHFULL/CAROLE KING/ELECTRIC LIGHT ORCHESTRA/CHRIS BELL/JONI MITCHELL/ELTON JOHN/THE WHO/LIFTER PULLER/THE HOLD STEADY/GOLDFRAPP/THE BANGLES/EDGAR WINTER/HERMAN'S HERMITS/FRANKIE LYMON AND THE TEENAGERS/DEE DEE RAMONE/JOY DIVISION/JEFF BUCKLEY/TOM WAITS/ELVIS PRESLEY/MOTHER LOVE BONE/YELLO/TALK TALK/MARC ALMOND/SISTER PSYCHIC/ROB JUNGKLAS/CHEAP TRICK/ARTHUR RUSSELL/MADONNA/RIDE/STEVIE WONDER/ASHLEY MACISAAC/SHELLEYAN ORPHAN/13 ENGINES/FRANK SINATRA/GENE VINCENT/GRAM PARSONS/U2/STRAWBS/TELEVISION/SUICIDE/ALICE IN CHAINS/BAD BRAINS/BETH ORTON/THE ALARM/JUDEE SILL/THE BAND/LAURA NYRO/NEIL YOUNG/THE VERVE/RICHARD ASCROFT/KALEIDOSCOPE/VAN MORRISON/JIMI HENDRIX/THE MONKEES/THE SHANGRI-LAS/PET SHOP BOYS/FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE/EUPHORIA/BUFFALO SPRINGFIELD/TORI AMOS/JOSEPH ARTHUR/THE MEKONS/CROSBY,STILLS & NASH/MARY HOPKIN/T.REX/JAMES BLUNT/MARY MARGARET O'HARA/AMERICA/THE TEMPTATIONS/CAST/THE POSIES/THE MOVE/JANE SIBERRY/OASIS/DUSTY SPRINGFIELD/MASSIVE ATTACK/THE PSYCHEDELIC FURS/NOW IT'S OVERHEAD/JACK/ABBA/THE ROLLING STONES/SANTANA/BABYLON ZOO/LINDA PERHACS/TRAFFIC/SCREAMING TREES/MARC LANEGAN/BUDDY HOLLY/JUDY HENSKE/THE BEACH BOYS/THE MAMAS AND THE PAPAS/THE ZOMBIES/DUNCAN BROWNE/BARRY DRANSFIELD/DAVID ACKLES/MERCURY REV/MARVIN GAYE/CHAD AND JEREMY/SUGAR/THE FIXX/MACY GRAY/MARC ANTHONY THOMPSON/THE SIDEWINDERS/THE LEFT BANKE/HARRY NILSSON/TOM PETTY AND THE HEARTBREAKERS/THE REPLACEMENTS/BERLIN/BAD COMPANY/SQUEEZE/EDDIE COCHRAN/MODERN ENGLISH/TIM HARDIN/BABACAT/THE BYRDS/PHIL OCHS/WANG CHUNG/P.M.DAWN/THE DELAYS/EDGAR WINTER'S WHITE TRASH/BILLY MACKENZIE/THE ASSOCIATES/SCREAMIN JAY HAWKINS/JIMMY WEBB/SHOCKING BLUE/AUGIE MARCH/THE CURE/THE CHAMELEONS/THE CRAMPS/MY BLOODY VALENTINE/THE SMITHS/TEARS FOR FEARS/CURRENT 93/DAVID RICE/NICK DRAKE/BJORK/JAMES BROWN/SCOTT WALKER/AFRO-PLANE/THE DOORS/THE FLAMING LIPS/ERIC MATTHEWS/JOHN COLTRANE/GRANT LEE BUFFALO/GRANT LEE-PHILIPS/THE CAKE/OLIVER/DAVID FORMAN/MARSHA MALAMET/MAXINE BROWN/GARBAGE/SWITCHFOOT/DWIGHT TWILLEY/THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS/SLY AND THE FAMILY STONE/SOFT CELL/TURIN BRAKES/LEE FELDMAN/NICK CAVE/CHERRY VANILLA/WAYNE COUNTY/BOSTON/VIBRALUX/HOLE/IMMACULATE FOOLS/SOUNDGARDEN/ELKLAND/JODY WATLEY/ANGIE STONE/GO/BLOODLOSS/LITTLE RICHARD/ELVIS COSTELLO/P/AL GREEN/ELEVENTH DREAM DAY/THE ENGLISH BEAT/CROWDED HOUSE/COLDPLAY/THE POGUES/CHRIS LEE/SUEDE/RADIOHEAD/BELINDA CARLISLE/MR.BUNGLE/MORPHINE/SAGITTARIUS/ROBIN HOLCOMB/THE JEFFERSON AIRPLANE/MOUNTAIN/J.C.HOPKINS/GEORGE HARRISON/KATELL KEINEG/LOVE SPIT LOVE/RED HOUSE PAINTERS/STARS OF TRACK AND FIELD/STONE TEMPLE PILOTS/COLORHAUS/ICICLE WORKS/PINK FLOYD/DONNY HATHAWAY/VALENTINE SMITH/BOBBY BROWN/SIMPLE MINDS/GARNET MIMMS/THE KINKS/WEST SIDE STORY/DREAMS FOR ALICE(GILBERT HETHERWICK)/TIM BUCKLEY/ANNIE LENNOX/DON HENLEY/HUMAN LEAGUE/THE DREAM ACADEMY/THE CULT/YAZ/JOHN LENNON/SPARKS/THE ASSOCIATION/THE VELVET UNDERGROUND/TEENAGE FANCLUB/THE PRETTY THINGS/THE MILLENNIUM/BARRY AND THE REMAINS/QUEEN/JOSH CLAYTON-FELT/THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA/CREAM/THREE DOG NIGHT/CAN/BADFINGER/MICK RONSON/THE DEVLINS/SUPERGRASS/THE JAM/LOVE/DEF LEPPARD/MOLLY HALFHEAD/FRESH MAGGOTS/JETHRO TULL/LED ZEPPLIN/BEGGARS AND THIEVES/ROY HARPER/THE NYMPHS/THE GRATEFUL DEAD/and that's just a little of what's in my stew right now.The above artists have always intrigued me with their imagination and their sheer inventiveness and talent.If you are a fan of any of the above, I love to talk music, so drop me a line anytime at LUISLVF@aol.com love LOU VALENTINE